SEEEEXXX PLEASE
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
