Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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