I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
