SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
