I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
