I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
