can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
