they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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