you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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