Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
