We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
