How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
