Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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