I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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