My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
