rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
