I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
