Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
