im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We got so high we made milksteak
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize