Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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