Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
