grandma shit on top of the toilet
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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