I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
