RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
my poor anus
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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