I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
