I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
