We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I need moral support for this bender
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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