Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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