He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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