Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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