Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize