Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
