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I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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