I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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