i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
