my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
