Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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