we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
