My liver just broke up with me...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
