That's intense
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
