It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
