It's a beautiful day for a hangover
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
