I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
