ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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