I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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