Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
