I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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