I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
