I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
