i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
