So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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