never play flip cup with pint glasses
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
