there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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