I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
