i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
