found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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