I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize