Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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