someone get that fucking seahorse.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh god it's open bar.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
