I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
