I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
