i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
